Heartbroken

My heart felt like it had been ripped from my chest the moment we found out Avery had Fibular Hemimelia. At that point they hadn't given anything a proper diagnosis. The DRs said that this was very rare and the cause unknown. At the time I didn't care what it was, I just knew my baby had something wrong. I instantly was filled with sorrow of the challenges to come. Then I became very angry. I didn't want to talk to anyone, I didn't want to hear anyone's voice. The hour drive home was silent as I looked through the sonogram pictures with tears in my eyes. "why us, why now?", you ask yourself. We wanted a child so bad, we had done everything right. After arriving home I sat still in the chair thinking, things had never been so silent. I finally got the courage to call my mom. Hearing her voice tremble with the news made me sick at my stomach. I didn't want to talk much, but I had to call my work. I spoke to my boss for a moment, but again it was hard to speak. I cried the rest of the evening. Curled up on the shower floor I wailed. My husband had been crying but I know he tried to keep it from me. He was trying to be strong enough for the both of us, he knew I was a complete mess. He knew I didn't want to talk, so he just held me for several hours. It's hard to explain how I felt over the next few days...